This year I spent the last 2 weeks of the year trying to wrap my brain around what 2011 meant to me. How in one word I could described the 365 days I spent on earth. I took out a piece of paper and wrote every word that came to mind. None seemed to capture my heart. Then one late night when I couldn't sleep, I began to think about the journey I had been on this year. I started to cry, then right there it hit me: BITTERSWEET. 2011 was bittersweet.
That's how I will sum up a year that came on the heels of the worst year in my life. It's a year that tried hard to prove to me it could be great. In some aspects it was, but I still had those heart in your throat, laugh while you cry moments. Bittersweet isn't bad. Bittersweet isn't good. It's enough sweetness to a bitter thing that can make it tolerable or even enjoyable. It's goodness in the midst of a bad situation. It's perfect for 2011.
By March 2011 I had conquered the year of firsts without Jon. Most I cried through, some I could barely breath through & with the help of my closest friends, some I was able to laugh through. The hardest was the anniversary of Jon's passing. Unexplainable pain. Is the only to describe it. Even the moments that were meant to be celebrated had a sting to them. Riley's first day of kindergarten, Taylor's starting Jr Hi.
Then there were some truly sweet moments:
•Lance got married. My baby boy found someone to love with his whole heart. Giana is so much a part of us, incredibly easy to love and makes us better.
•Miracle babies were born all around me. I've held them in my arms, smelled them, watched their parents stand in awe of God and it was beautiful.
•Friendships grew stronger.
I found friendships in peculiar places, people & moments. Met people I admire & stretched to learn as much as I could from them. I reconnected with people who have, in their own unique way, impacted my life. I surrounded myself with people who have enormous love for me & my kids. My closest friends held me while I cried, cheered me on when I attempted bravery, celebrated moments I couldn't get through alone.
I will end with this...
2011 left me clinging to the fact that God is still God & He still good.
It had the resounding theme of God's goodness thrust into the hardest thing I've walked through. I know now that no matter what I face, God is Good. There is something unbelievably good that God can use from our situations if we let Him. We can peek back at terrible situations & find ourselves wrapped in His love. In my darkest hours, His goodness overwhelms me, strengthens me & carries me into His promise.
My theme song for this next year?
"I Have to Believe" by Rita Springer
I have believe that 2012 will find you seeing promises fulfilled, friendships enriched, love overflowed and the bigness of God revealed in your life.
2012 I am hopeful you will be grand...
3 comments:
great song to wrap it up! Ive always loved that song! luv and miss u! Happy new year! Love the Ciprianis :)
Amazing just like you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. I love you.
I love your heart! I really can't wait to see how much of the bittersweet, the ashes and even the tears will sprout from the ground they've been planted in as joy and righteousness. Love you!
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