Love Out Loud

Today's an especially lonely day for me. Bittersweet in every sense. Although I love the memories of Jon, the sting in my heart is real. It's constant. It's at times overwhelming. Yet in the midst of that pain I know Jon loved Jesus & me with all his heart, he was faithful & he loved covenant. And this stands true:
God is still God & He is still good.

13 years ago today, I married my best friend. Someone recently asked me if I remember my wedding day. My answer: " I remember every significant detail"

I remember, what I felt like when I woke up that morning, receiving a sweet note from Jon while getting ready(&every word it said). I remember the song that played as I crossed the Coronado Island bridge, how massive & how beautiful the Hotel Del Coronado was that day. I remember the prayer my bridesmaids prayed, the look on Jon's face as I started down the isle & the song our friends played. I remember the way the vows felt as they left my lips, the sound of the ocean, the tears we cried & that wonderful kiss. I remember driving away leaving our friends & family behind, the talk we had in the car on the way to our hotel in La Jolla... I remember it all.

Now my memories are one sided, I'm not able to hear Jon's input or as he would put it the "guy side". I miss everything about Jonathan. I especially miss him today.

Our last anniversary we spent together I wrote a list to Jon of things I loved about him. Although there were so many more than 11,these were the top that year & since his death that list has grown. Here's the list from November 14, 2009:

11 things I love about you Jon:
1. You see me at my highest potential especially at my lowest points
2. The quirky songs you sing
3. Your ability to cook & desire to clean
4. The fact that you really get me and still love me
5. How quick you are to forgive
6. The way you love Jesus, Me, Riley, Taylor & Lance, you're amazing
7. Your prayerlife
8. Your romantic side that's reserved only for me
9. Your ability to make me laugh in any and every situation
10. That you choose to love some things just because I love them
11. This last one is private, for Jon's ears only....

My hope for you today is that you would consider the people you love & love them out loud. Maybe make them a list....
Thank you for loving me Jonathan, Happy Anniversary.